*YOUR POV*
"And when I tried telling some people, bad things did happen. That's how I got this scar about 2 years ago when I visited. At least I only get abused a few times a year, right?" I said to Justin, feeling like I just relived the whole scenario.
I slightly smiled, trying to make things better. Justin had a worried look on his face, but I didn't want him to be worried, not about me.
"(YN), you should've told me..."
"That's just the thing, I'm afraid still. It's like when I talk about it, that little 6 year old girl inside of me is triggered and I become paralyzed. I've never told anyone about this, and I only go there when I know my whole family will be there, so that my dad can't do anything, some of the time. I've asked my mom so many times to leave him and come with me, but she says she loves him and he only does it because she deserves it. She won't press charges. I think my dad stopped though, nothing happened last year. And I asked my mom, she said that everything was fine." I said while feeling tears creep down my cheeks.
I felt like that little girl again just speaking of this. The little girl who was abused everyday after school, just so that I could keep a secret. The little girl who hid her bruises with make-up when she was 7. The little girl who was made fun of for being so cautious about everything.
I jumped when Justin touched my shoulder. I stood up and turned to him, nuzzling my head in the crook of his neck as he held me close. Tears escaped my eyes and were absorbed by the fabric of his shirt.
"I'm glad you told me, just promise that you'll let me help." Justin asked as we rocked back and forth.
I pulled away as I shook my head. He already promised that he wouldn't say anything, but in order to help he'd have to.
"No. No. Justin you can't tell anybody, I don't want your help." I yelled at him.
"I want to help, please. I can't let this happen to you."
"Justin my dad would kill me if he knew that I told you, I have to go back there in two months for Thanksgiving. He'll find out."
"I'll come with."
"No, Please. Justin I can't let you do that, it'll make it worse. You don't know my dad, you don't know what he's capable of." I pleaded.
I stood back away from Justin, begging him to give it up. He just didn't understand how much this meant to me. I couldn't have anymore people find out, telling Justin was bad enough.
"I love you too much to sit back and watched you get abused by him. He can't keep doing this, I won't allow it. Whether you like it or not, I'm coming with."
I started crying again. I couldn't help but imagine what my dad would do to Justin if he brought it up at Thanksgiving. Justin grabbed me again and held me in his arms as I cried. I could feel that this was making Justin sad too, just hearing about this.
But that's why my career helped, it got my mind off of things like this. I'd always hated my life and my past back home, yet somehow it found it's way to creep back in my mind.
"You promised that you wouldn't say anything to anyone," I said pulling away a bit, "so you can't mention this in front of my dad. You can't act like you know."
He silently agreed and I still didn't feel great about him going.
I laid awake half the night, feeling like it was another night where my dad was going to walk in my room, pull me out of bed, and hit me again. I hated these nights, even thought they barely happened except when I talked about it. I calmed myself down convinced myself that nothing was going to happen anyways.
Justin put his arm around me and after flinching, I got used to it and felt relaxed and protected. I forced myself to sleep even though I knew I was only getting about 4 hours to sleep. At least I would even get any sleep, it was hard enough being on tour.
We arrived in Des Moines and the concert went well. I liked it that it was a smaller arena and the crowd was still so loud and amazing.
We left right away and headed up to Minnesota, with plenty of time to sleep in. I woke up at about 2 in the afternoon with plenty of time before my concert. Luckily, Minneapolis was only a few hours away from Des Moines so I had plenty of time.
I got out of bed and stretched. I walked around a bit, trying to wake myself up for the day.
"You look exhausted!" Trinity said as I looked at myself in the mirror.
"I've had a rough time, I need to get my mind off of things."
"I know the perfect thing for that! You've heard of the Mall Of America right!? Yeah, well, we are minutes away from it! We should go shopping for a little while, even if it's just window shopping!"
I agreed and we left the boys a note before leaving for the mall in a separate car. I had never been there before, but it was the biggest in America so why not?
We arrived at the mall and walked inside. It was huge, I couldn't believe that I'd never been before. I could've spent the whole day there if I didn't have a concert. We only walked around for a little bit. I ran into a few fans and took pictures with them, feeling better immediately. They always cheered me up, giving me compliments and wanting to see me. I loved staying and just talking to them.
We bought a few things at a few different stores and sat down to have some lunch at Chipotle before leaving and heading back to the bus. I always loved there food, it was pretty amazing. Trinity was having it for the very first time too, I was surprised that she had never had it before. I think I got her obsessed with it...
We bought the boys some lunch and they chowed down on it as soon as we got back. Justin didn't talk about what happened, but I could tell that it was on his mind still. I knew that he wouldn't say anything, but I was still scared.
I glanced at him from across the couch a few times, because we weren't sitting by each other, and he smiled at me. I think that maybe telling him did make something better, because I felt like Justin understood me better than before...
Did ya like it? Leave some comments!
-Ana.
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